If my husband doesn't want to use my having sex with other men as a pretext for demanding equal access to other women, then there's another possibility that ran through my head:
Is my husband secretly bisexual?
How those women must feel who marry a man, have children, only to discover he is bi; or worse, outright gay. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against gay men (or women). I simply don't want to be married to one. I don't want to get married, then discover he has been suppressing a secret, that he wants other men. Admittedly, that would be way better than discovering other dark secrets, the illegal kind, but for me, being bisexual is a turn-off. I'm not bi. I don't want other women. I know many who do, but it's just not me. And I really don't want to watch two men having sex in front of me, even if one is my husband. It's just a turn-off -- it's the way I'm wired.
But you can't blame me for suspecting this when he is encouraging me to allow men to come into our home, undress in his presence, and have threesomes. He told me he was straight and I opted to believe him. Time would ultimately tell. And the verdict?
He's straight.
That's good for me, and good for nearly every guy we contact as well. But there's a hiccup that continually rears its head ... YOU WHITE GUYS DON'T BELIEVE ME. Or him either, for that matter. The majority of the white fellas that ping me because they saw a sexy pic of me or responded to an ad for an NSA encounter don't want my husband present. When I insist (it's generally a comfort and safety requirement, I don't like meeting strange men alone in his day and age), you guys get very weirded out. Most of you beg off, or cancel at the last minute, or just don't show. After several questions about whether my husband is actually straight or not, and what level of participation he will want to have, you say you believe me, you say you'll show up, but you don't. Okay, some of you do, but the majority don't.
According to my husband, you are culturally primed to honor that exclusivity requirement, to the point of not being able to wrap your heads around the idea that another man might not have that same expectation. I've seen this first-hand. Most of you assume my husband would be jealous, as in angry jealous, if he knew you were meeting with me to have sex. You expect him to find a baseball bat, blow up, maybe hit you and/or me, divorce me, hunt you down and out you to your spouse or girlfriend. Even when we both assure you it's cool, you keep one eye out for that inevitable (in your mind) change of demeanor that signals the husband can't handle it anymore--that you've gone too far. Seriously, I can't tell you how many times we've been asked "are you sure you're okay with this?"
To many white guys who ping us, the only explanation that seems to reconcile the notion of my husband being okay with my having sex with other men with your expectation of total exclusivity is that he must be secretly gay and wants to lure you into his depraved sex chamber using me as bait.
Nope.
We're just a average suburbanite couple managing careers, family, kids, mortgage payments, grocery shopping and everything else a typical married couple balances. But every once in a while, when opportunity arises, we do something adventurous. We're upfront about it. We're honest. We're discrete. We don't play games. We're not deceitful. What we say, you get. Some of you have a hard time trusting in that.
The vast majority of white guys ask for a private rendezvous. They want secrecy, even from my husband. They want a neutral site if money isn't a problem, and prefer motels and hotels to my home. Whereas I don't want to venture to a motel solo to meet a guy who may or may not be everything he appeared online. Even if the guy is great, it feels too seedy, too hookerish.
Black guys, by contrast, never seem to have an issue with my husband's presence. At least, not the black guys that respond to posts or profiles in couples-only sites or on Craigslist. The word BBC is synonymous with "I do married women, don't give a fuck who knows about it" They not only don't mind the husband's presence, it's my experience they *enjoy* it. They like knowing he's watching when they sink their cocks into my warm vagina. They want to see my husband's expression as they bust their nut into his wife. (I learned all the terms after being around you guys talking your sex talk during intermissions, lol.)
When I tell a BBC that my husband will be present and he's straight, it's accepted immediately, without question. I'm here to tell you that this one factor alone makes BBCs more attractive as sexual partners. It's easier to arrange, with way fewer flake-outs, and we start off with a higher level of trust. All of this, rather than the large cocks (and they are indeed large) makes me a BBC lover.
There are some white studs who mirror the black men and prefer my husband's presence. If I had to estimate from my experience, it's about 70% who don't want him there, or even knowing, 20% that is okay with it, and 10% who like it. Naturally, I gravitate towards the 30% who tolerate or prefer it, but that leaves a lot of great handsome, sexy guys in the cold. And it takes a lot of time, energy, and communication to screen someone and make a meeting arrangement. To be fighting this high rate of flake-out simply makes it too much work.
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