When it comes to greenlighting a discrete illicit rendezvous, we are all nervous that the other individual or couple won't keep their end of the bargain. After all, we don't know this person who has contacted us electronically or answered our ad. Most of the time we proceed with an expectation they know the implicit rules and will adhere to them, until some evidence tells us otherwise. At all phases of the initial screening process, we are keeping a sharp eye out for signs they aren't diligent in their adherence to the rules.
THE CODE OF SEXUAL AFFAIR CONDUCT
One. Each side will act with extreme diligence to guard the identity of the other party.
Two. Participation in a non-monogamous lifestyle requires you be accepting of your choice and nonjudgmental of others.
Three. Neither side will post photos of the other party unless the other party gives explicit permission. Always assume the other party does not give permission. Always presume the other party expects you will not post or share photos, not even to your own private cloud site (Flickr, Picassa). This applies even to those those photos shared during the screening process, whether a rendezvous resulted or no.
Four. If a liaison results in photographs of the encounter that include you, and you are in possession of those photographs or they have been given to you as a parting thank-you gift, follow rule three. Do not email these photos to friends to brag of your conquest. Do not email these photos to other prospective rendezvous candidates as proof of your lifestyle involvement.
Five. Do not add the person's lifestyle email address into your email client contacts list using the person's real name. Should you later send an email to multiple parties, the other parties will have the name of lifestyle participant as well as their alias (often explicit) email address.
Six. When emailing multiple people, always put your email address in the To: field and their email addresses in the Bcc: field so each party's email is kept private from the others in the list.
Seven. Don't text or call a lifestyle friend without prior permission. Assume their telephone is monitored by people who do not support the non-monogamy choice.
Eight. If a party engages in legal activities beyond your bounds, you cannot opt to censure and can never out that person because it is out of your comfort zone.
Nine. If a party initially anonomous to you is discovered to be a person you recognize, be it coworker, restaurant waiter, fellow PTA member, teacher, or whathaveyou, you must either decline further contact without offering a justification (preferred) or mention in non-specifics your knowledge with the dual broviso that you would accept a decision on their part to disengage and that you will not reveal the discovery under any circumstances.
Ten. If a party is discovered to be a close acquantance, perhaps an extended family member, spouse of a close friend, or immediate neighbor, you must end the contact and must never reveal the knowledge. Do not succumb to a temptation to inform your best friend of a cheating-inclined spouse. You have come to this information through your own proclivities and must hold to the code.
Eleven. If a past rendezvous is discovered by your non-supportive spouse, do not attempt amends by outing the lifestyle person, chastizing the person, or moralizing to the person. Do your intra-family reconciliation within your family and simply drop contact with the lifestyle friend. The same goes if you have a moral conversion and see the "error of your ways." It is only an error in your life.
Twelve. Disclose medical infirmities. If you have a problem, even a temporary one, let the other party know before you meet. Do not send photos of a healthy you only to arrive with a cast, knee brace, surgery bandage or other unexpected encumbrance.
Thirteen. When you find someone who excites you through online sexual solicitations, they are not available for seduction and dating. They are not candidates to become your significant other. Do not mistake sexual adventure for an invitation to break up their relationship.
Final thoughts: trust in the other party to adhere to this code. Nearly everyone does. Trust the people who are asking for your attention are not known to you. They almost never are. It's a big world out there. Trust that those who later learn of your occupation or vanilla life will enjoy chatting with you about your vanilla life and won't compromise you. This is a hobby that requires trust in your fellow participant.
No comments:
Post a Comment