Reluctant Because I'm a Faithful Wife

I like traditional marriage. I like monogamy. I keeps our society ordered and our relationships healthy. No one wants to be the wife of John Edwards and deal with the "love child" or it's mom -- your new permanent family member and constant competitor for your spouse. No one wants to be the wife of Newt Gingrich (at least not the first two) and know that he'll probably have an affair, and worse, will leave you for that new woman. Affairs are dangerous because they sometimes lead to one of those two scenarios. Just ask Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman, or the many many others. It seemingly can't be confined to nsa sex, with the spouse returning home with a smile; but rather there's strings, complications, emotions, or new-found dissatisfactions with the current partner. By comparison with the "new glow" good feelings towards the new fling, any wife may find herself appearing less attractive, and saddled with more annoyances, than the mysterious and sexual vixen that has the husband's attentions. That's why one of the tell-tale signs of an affair is the husband becoming less amorous towards a wife.

Plus, I respect myself. I want to keep respecting myself. I don't do illegal things. I live a good life and am very involved in raising my family, from my kids' sports to their schoolwork. I set a good example. Those unfaithful wives can't erase that stain on their moral character, even after disclosure and forgiveness. That's why it took me a while to become convinced by my husband that sex with permission isn't cheating, it isn't unfaithfulness. It's fulfilling his desires while potentially having some fun for myself. Oh, did I mention my husband was the impetus for my initially considering this path? It wasn't out of my lust...I was happy with the sex life I had with my husband, and he was always turned on by me and was fully satisfied.

My husband explained that men felt a desire for the thrill. There's an inherent thrill in coaxing a new woman into bed. There's a thrill in doing something taboo, even if it's an extra-cirricular affair. And the thrill is so alluring, so very fun, that men will risk everything to attain it. Think Bill Clinton. No matter the hotness of their wife, they'll seek the thrill. Hugh Grant anyone?

This is my first ever BBC the first time I met him.
This is the moment just as he's about to enter me.
At the moment this was taken, I was a BBC virgin.

My husband told me he feels that same allure. He didn't give me an ultimatum, i.e. create thrills for him or he'll find them elsewhere; rather, he said he shared that same instinct, battled it successfully, but wanted to indulge it. Unlike alcohol or drug abuse, sex practiced safely is a natural product of our nature, so why suppress it? The risks are not in the sex act itself, but in the emotional consequences (assuming adequate protection from health issues and conception). So why, he asked, is our society structured such that a man is forced to seek his thrills from someone other than the woman he most enjoys, most lusts after -- his wife. The oft-quoted saying about the other woman doing things he would never ask his wife to do. Why? Why is a good wife and mom an inappropriate person to use her body for the pleasure of her and her man. Assuming the husband truly does derive pleasure from a wife's playing with a third-party, and assuming no emotional after-effect consequences (which I'll comment on in a forthcoming post), then why not do something to boost the enjoyment of your spouse? Better you're doing to the boosting than anyone else!

In my case, I opted to be the booster, the source of his fantasy fulfillment, the woman who could be wife and mom while also, in other moments, be an object of sexual lust for my husband and for other men.